5 Steps To Take When You've Been Wronged By Somebody

We’re living in a highly volatile world right now. The world has always been this way, but the nature of this volatility comes in different waves as generations come and go. What we're seeing in today's world is the fallout of "hot takes,” social media, and the 24-hour news reel. Opinions, views, and thoughts have never been more available than they are today, resulting in intense criticism, antagonism, and division. We are increasingly, easily, and inordinately offended by said opinions, views, and thoughts, particularly when they're aimed at us. As a follower of Jesus, how should you handle an instance when you are wronged by someone? In particular,  someone who is not a Christian?

Step #1 - Remember Who You Are

Remember that your identity is in Christ and what God says and thinks about you, not in what other people think and say about you. Approval, affirmation, and acceptance are deep needs and desires we have as people created by God. But sin has caused us to search for ways to meet these desires outside of God in other people and voices. The Gospel frees us from the bondage we place ourselves in through other people's opinions, views, statements, and perceptions about us. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked and perceived well, but when you aren’t, it shouldn’t devastate you. Paul said to the Galatian Church in addressing the Gospel and its power to free us, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). Living by faith means we now live by a new set of principles. First and foremost being that, in Christ, God completely loves me and accepts me, infinitely more than any person in the world will. He views you and regards you as He regards His Son, Jesus, no less! Now, that is something to stand on!

Step #2 - Remember Who They Are

Remember that the one who has wronged you is made in the image of God just like you. As God’s creation, he or she has inherent dignity, worth, and value. Although they have infringed on your image, we must not do the same in return. In becoming human, Jesus bore within himself the image of God. In fact, he was "the image of the invisible God'' (Col. 1:15). His image was unjustifiably infringed upon. He was wronged and executed, but not once did he retaliate in thought, word, or deed. He remembered that those who were taking joy in his crucifixion were made in the image of his Father.

Step #3 - Remember Who You Both Are

Remember that, whether your offender realizes it or not, Jesus died for them. And perhaps more importantly, remember that Jesus died for you too. Without the covering of Jesus and his blood, both you and the offender are guilty before God. God covenants Himself to you only because, through your faith, Christ's righteousness is upon you, not because you're this giant ball of amazing. You are broken and struggle with sin no less than the person who has wronged you, perhaps just in different ways.

Step #4 - “Keep It In The Locker Room”

With humility, earnestly seek a personal, private conversation with your offender. Do not engage in “cancel culture.” Your first instinct may be to retaliate by hurting them in return. It may be to shame them by making the offense public and drawing a community of people into the issue. It may be to tangibly punish them by calling other people to join you in punishing them too! If you go through with these actions, you’re identity may not be in Christ as much you think it is (see Step #1). Remember that, in hurting or shaming somebody in retaliation, we know it’s wrong (see Step #2), but we go public because we desire others to affirm what we’re doing (see Step #1). When we hear these affirming voices, it causes us to believe that what we’re doing is right. We deceive ourselves and we view evil as good (See Step #3). Don’t fall into this trap! Seek a personal, private conversation with them. Lovingly express your pain and frustration. Dialogue and hear them out. Ask each other questions. Seek not only justice, but reconciliation, forgiveness, and unity.

Step #5a 

If the offender doesn’t want to have that conversation, prayerfully resist the temptation to see it as an excuse to retaliate. Remember steps one through three. Resist the urge to engage in “cancel culture” as a last resort. If what your offender did was illegal, you should report it to the authorities and allow them to handle the situation. If what the offender did to you wasn't illegal, but hurtful, after steps one through four, forgive them. Forgive them, knowing that what God has forgiven you for and the cost at which He paid for your forgiveness, cannot be calculated. To the degree you grasp what He forgave you, you will be able to to forgive others the infinitely smaller debts they owe you.

Step #5b

You have no control over people. Leave your vindication in God's hands. "For the Lord will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants" (Psalm 135:14). God never leaves an injustice, small or large, unaccounted for. At some point, in His timing, He will right all of the wrongs in the world, including how you've been wronged. Trust that. Trust Him. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, Paul said to the Roman church, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (Romans 12:18). “If possible, so far as it depends on you” is an interesting statement. We play a role in justice and reconciliation, and our portion depends on ourselves. I can't help but think that Paul wrote that knowing what resources we have available to us through the gospel. Through the gospel and Christ's love within us, we have a powerful and eternal storehouse of resources at our disposal for grace, forgiveness, and patience. With those resources in view, how should that impact our ability to live peaceably with all? How should that impact our method of handling situations in which we’ve been wronged with godly grace, godly wisdom, godly patience, and unifying reconciliation, not merely retaliation and punishment? May we not conform our responses to being wronged by how the world prescribes that we respond, but allow the gospel to be our lens. The shallower and less we understand, the less captivated we are by the gospel, the less we will be steered by these powerful and eternal resources. In turn, we will be steered by our contradicting desires and impulses. However, the deeper and more we understand, the more in awe we are of the gospel, the better we can handle situations in which we’ve been wronged.